Boredom and Daydreams
by Dawndreamer
Summary: A most terrible disaster has occurred! Manwe is BORED! In his boredom he’s decided to send an elf prince, two sneaky twins, a couple of hobbits and a dwarf into the laps of two poor unsuspecting, yet extremely dangerous, teenage girls.
1. Sleezba's

Twilight poet: Hey everyone! My best bud Dawndreamer and me have joined forces to produce this fanfic!! MUHAHA!! COME TO THE DARK SIDE!! We have cookies!

Dawndreamer: Hey people! Well it's me here Day Dreamer and my character is Ella and Twilight poet's is Max for short! We're making this fic in-between math homework and crazy parents! Hope you like it!

Disclaimer: We own only our made up characters...

Twilight Poet: That's it?

Dawndreamer: Yup

Twilight Poet: sad...

DawnDreamer: yup...

**Never Had a Dream Come True**

Max was sitting behind the counter of Pella's Pet store, watching Tuppeny and Roe (their pet Ferrets) attack the cardboard boxes she'd just emptied and chucked into the corner, while she half listened to the boy standing in front of her.

"Listen, Me and my friends," the kid was saying. "We could close down this store, you know. Just like that." He brought his right hand up and snapped his fingers.

"Really?" Max smiled sweetly. "Be my guest."

A tall girl with long brown hair and brown eyes looked after the puppies as she watched the conversation between her best friend and the boy. Max was shorter than her and had short blond hair and green eyes. At the moment she looked irritated.

In the mood Max was in, she'd consider being rid of this place an act of mercy. At the moment the thought of not having to clean cages, restock shelves or answer questions about the feeding habits of hermit crabs had a lot of appeal.

The boy frowned. "I'm serious. We shut down the fur on Salina Street."

According to the newspaper account she'd read they hadn't, but she wasn't going to call the kid a liar.

"So am I." Max threw the key to the front door of the store on to the counter. "Here you go, kid..."

"Jeff..."

"Whatever."

"Jeff," he repeated.

"Fine, Jeff, then." she massaged a cramp in her shoulder while she moved her arm around. The damn thing had been bothering her all day. Must have slept on it wrong. "I'll make it easy for you," Max pointed to the key. "Take it, I'll inform my bank. Oh, and good luck releasing the fish to their natural environment. The guy that bred most of them lives out in New South Wales."

Jeff swallowed. His eyes searched them room for an answer that wasn't there.

Ella was telling herself Max shouldn't be giving him such a hard time when he swallowed again, straightened his shoulders and did what any politician would have done in similar circumstances: ignored what Max said and kept going on with his speech. Her guilt disappeared. Admiration took over. Damn, the kid was good. Who knew? They could be looking at the next Governor of Queensland!

"You think what your doing is right?" he said. "You think it's okay to own living creatures, to buy and sell them like chattel?"

Max rubbed her eyes and looked pleadingly at Lu, but she just smiled and indicated that he was her problem. How old was this kid anyway? He couldn't have been older than them surly! Sensing Max's weariness, Tuppeny and Roe abandoned their box and crawled on to her shoulders to nuzzle her face. Max loved them.

"See!" cried Jeff, "those Ferrets should be free to roam where they wish! Not your pets to do your biddings."

"These 'pets' as you call them, are our family." Max sighed. She'd had this conversation many times. "They go where they want, they just prefer to stay with Luella and me, and can I help that?"

The boy gave a sniff and placed a bunch of pamphlets on the table. With the instructions, "read these." He left. Max threw them straight in the bin. The photos of animals being tortured with cosmetics was not the kind of thing she wanted to look at right now, or ever. It was too depressing. Instead she opened her Lord of the Rings book, reading it again for the third time.

"Cute kid," laughed Ella, shutting the puppy cage and coming over.

"Yeah right," Max groaned, "cute as a spider!"

'You know no matter how many times I've read ROTK, it still makes me cry" Ella said thoughtfully.

"Really?" Max asked, looking up from her book, "do you want to watch it tonight?"

"How could I refuse an offer like that Max, after the day we've had here... that little brat, he's the third one this month. I swear they've got some sort of conspiracy going on!"

"Yeah!" Max Picked up Roe and placed the squeaking pet into her pocket. "Grab Tuppeny, We'll close up early."

Turning out the lights Ella and Max locked up and got into Max's 'baby'. Which was her brand new convertible.

"Love the new paint job... adding the shimmering paint and the changing blue colour really suits it," smiled Ella.

"Thanks!" grinned Max as they slid onto the red leather seats. "To the video store Rogers and don't spare the horses!"

Pulling up at the store they rented out Lord of the Rings 1, 2 and 3 before heading into the market to buy popcorn and soft drinks.

"MOVIE NIGHT!!" grinned Max as they pulled into the driveway of their beachfront house.

"MAXIIIIIIIINNE!!!"

"Oh HELL no!" Cried Max, "HIDE ME!"

"Oh but look, he brought you flowers," mocked Ella, holding in her laughter.

"ELLLLLLLAAAA!!!"

"EEP!" squealed Ella, ducking behind the car with Max.

"Fake smiles ready?" whispered Max

"Check," replied Ella, "Excuses?"

"Check," whispered Max, "Ready?"

Finally they stood up to meet the two forms running up towards them.

"Hello Trent," groaned Max.

"Maxine, my dear, you are looking ravishing this afternoon," smiled Trent, kissing her hand.

Max grimaced, she really didn't like this guy. He was taller than her with thick black hair, greased back from his forehead. His mother and Max's mother had originally planned an arranged marriage that Max had been trying to get out of for a few years now... all they needed was her to sign the marriage papers and everything was done. There was no way on God's green earth THAT was ever going to happen any time soon.

"Well hello sexy," said Josh as he circled Ella looking her up and down.

"Uh it's Ella, Josh," she said raising her eyebrows.

"Yes, of course," he murmured, moving closer to her, "my deepest apologies," he whispered in her ear. Shivers of disgust ran though Ella's back.

"Freaky sleezeba," she thought to herself as she tried not to gag on the amount of aftershave he was wearing. Suddenly he grabbed her face and stuck started moving his sloppy tongue around in her mouth.

"WOAH!!!" cried Max, pushing Trent away and running over to them, "NOT in my driveway!!" She came over and ripped Josh off Ella.

"We're sick, go away!" growled Max as Ella wiped off the saliva left around her mouth, her face turning slightly green.

Trent moved closer towards Max, "Would you... like me to nurse you back to health?" he asked, winking and licking his lips.

"NO!" cried Max, leading Ella inside and locking the door behind her.

"MOUTHWASH!" screamed Ella, "I NEED MOUTHWASH!!"

"They so want us," smirked Josh, getting into his car.

"Totally," grinned Trent as they drove away.

Ella and Max both had showers and changed into their Pajama's before putting the popcorn in the microwave and sitting on the couch to wait for it to cook. Suddenly they heard a noise from the bathroom upstairs.

"What was that?" whispered Max.

"It came from the bathroom," replied Ella.

Grabbing a broom each, the girl crept up the stairs and peered into the dark room.

"On the count of 3," whispered Ella. "1...2...3..."

Crying out loud, they flicked on the lights and jumped into the bathroom to see Trent and Josh climbing through the window. They looked up at the two furious girls.

"See! I told you we should have come earlier!" groaned Josh, "they've already had their showers!"

Screaming in fury, they girls charged the boys, brandishing their brooms and hitting the boys until they were knocked out.

"Ok, I think they've had enough," puffed Ella.

"Not quite," growled Max before promptly pushing both unconscious men out the window. They landed with a thud in the rose bushes.

"Err... I'll go call the cops," laughed Ella.

"Thank you officer," smiled Max, shaking the large man's hand.

"No problem lass," he smiled, "you just watch yourself now."

Both girls waved good-bye to the policemen and went back inside.

"Do you think we should have told them we knew the guys?" asked Max

"Nah," grinned Ella, without a pause for thought.

"We still have time to watch ROTK (return of the King) if you want?"

"Sure!"

They watched they movie and headed off to bed.

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Twilight Poet: I know, I know WHERE ARE THE ELVES!! But hold your horses! We're getting to that, promise!

Dawndreamer: We're writing chapter 2 now! But we still have math to do as well... so we'll get as much done as we can!

Twilight Poet: --dodges sharp flying objects-- Don't hurt us!


	2. They're Bloody Everywhere!

Twilight Poet: 'Ello! It's just me for this chappie! Dawndreamer and I are taking it in turns. The Elves are coming!! MUHAHAHA! Err... cough... yeah... all the elvish translations are at the bottom.

Disclaimer: we own our characters. Everything else belongs to... well... not us obviously.

**Chapter 2 – They're bloody everywhere!**

The sun shone through the window and onto Sarah's face. She stretched and got out of bed. Wiping sleep from her eyes, she headed for her en-suite bathroom. Relaxing under the shower, she let the warm water wash away the haziness of the morning. She was careful to be quite, Max was in the room next door and she was NOT a morning person.

Turning off the water, she got out and dried herself, tying back her wet hair. Leaving the towel on the ground, she headed back into her room and pulled on a pair of blue jeans and a light pink top with the words 'baby girl' on it in hot pink. Suddenly she heard a sound behind her. She turned slowly to see a person in her bed, staring at her. His hair was long, his eyes were blue and his mouth was wide open.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Ella's scream echoed throughout the whole house.

"HOW LONG WERE YOU WATCHING?!" she screeched.

"M-My Lady, I-I-I-"he stuttered.

"HOW LONG!?"

"Since you came out of the other room..." he said, lowering his head.

Ella blushed in anger and embarrassment and opened her mouth to yell at him, but she was interrupted by multiple screams and crashes from Max's room.

"Max!!" she cried, forgetting the weird guy. Running she burst into her friend's room, "Are you all ri- Wah?"

She never finished. Instead she burst out laughing at the sight of Max beating two young men with a lampshade. The men were huddled in a corner and the lampshade was far beyond broken.

Finally Max stopped, gasping for breath.

"And if you ever– I repeat EVER –touch me again, I'll make you wish you never been born!" she cried, before throwing the twisted metal over her shoulder.

The young men uncovered their faces, "Yes, mam," they said meekly.

They were identical twins with long black hair, blue eyes and ...pointy ears. Ella recognized them immediately and turned in shock to see the man, elf, who had been in her room.

"L-l-legolaaaaaa-" there was a loud 'Thud' as she fainted to the floor.

Max ran over to her, "Ella? C'mon Ella buddy, wake up DON'T LEAVE ME WITH THOSE TWO!!" she cried, pointing wildly at the twins who were looking amused.

Irritated that nothing was happening, Max shoved her unconscious friend into Legolas's arms before running into the bathroom. She came running back with a glass of water and threw it at Ella, soaking the prince too.

Ella woke up gasping and looked up at Legolas, who was holding her carefully.

"Help!" she groaned, "I'm being violated!"

Legolas raised his eyebrow in surprise, "I assure you my lady that-"

"She's not yours!" interrupted Max

"Excuse me?" asked Legolas

"She's...not...yours," repeated Max, slower.

"I never said-"

"Yes you did."

Legolas looked at the girl who was quite a lot shorter than him. "I didn't."

"You DID! She's a lady but she's not yours!" growled Max.

Legolas opened his mouth to reply when suddenly there was a crash down stairs. Max and Ella looked at each other and rushed down. They entered the Kitchen only to find 4 really small people staring wide-eyed at a bowl of nuts that was now spread all over the floor.

"Oh great I just cleaned that," groaned Ella

"HOBBITS!" cried Max, pouncing on them. "PIPPIN!" she cried hugging him tight, "MERRY!" she hugged him too, "FRODO! SAM!" she squashed them both into one bone-crushing hug.

"Hah!" grinned Merry, "and you said we'd be in trouble."

"How come you didn't greet _us_ that way?" asked a voice from the door. Max turned to see the twins standing there.

Max looked at them, a curious look on her face. "And you are...?"

"You don't remember?" one asked, "you just beat us to death with a... I don't even know what it was!"

Max looked just as blank faced. The twins looked at each other and grinned, they were going to have fun with this one.

"What's this?" they asked, holding up one of Max's bras.

Max paled.

"Is it a slingshot?" asked one thoughtfully.

Blushing deep red, she ran up to them and grabbed the offending garment.

"ULUK HUO!" she cried before running upstairs. The elves looked a little surprised, but they shrugged and began to find something else to do when suddenly Ella slapped herself in the face. Everyone looked at her in shock.

"Nope," she said thoughtfully, "this isn't a dream." And with that, she began cleaning up the nuts and broken pottery. Legolas knelt down beside her.

"Lady, where are-"

"Your forgiven," said Ella, not looking at him.

"Forgiven?" he exclaimed.

"Yes," she replied calmly.

"For what?" he asked, looking down at her superiorly.

"For spying on me."

"I wasn't spying on you!"

Ella looked him in the eye, "than why didn't you say anything until AFTER I was dressed?"

He paused for a moment, obviously thinking hard, "I didn't want to scare you," he said finally, but Ella had already gone.

Another scream echoed from upstairs. Everyone ran into the living room only to see Max running down the stairs in a towel. She scrambled and hid behind Ella. "THEY'RE BLOODY EVERYWHERE!" she screeched.

Thudding down the stairs, complete with axe, was Gimli.

Everyone began talking at the same time, half yelling, half groaning or laughing.

"SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!" cried Max, everyone looked at her.

"Sut uma lle sinta Eldaie?" one of the twins asked

"DINA!!!!!" she yelled at him.

"bu-" he tried again

"DINA!"

"I-"

"Dina!"

"yo-"

"DINA!!!" Cried Ella, Max and Legolas at the same time.

"En nya he lannea," whispered Elladan.

"Melaly!" grinned Elrohir, looking at Max's legs.

"Re yel rangwa lle," said Ella.

Max looked furious. The twins blanched.

"STAND STILL SO I CAN KILL YOU!!" she screamed, holding tightly to her towel and chasing Elladan and Elrohir, mop in hand.

"Stop! STOP!," cried Legolas, but they ignored him.

Gimli, Frodo and Sam were betting on whether or not she'd catch them.

"They're fast," pointed out Frodo

"But the lass sure is angry," argued Gimli.

Legolas turned to Ella who was watching with amusement. "Listen, I know my cousins probably deserve this but I don't really want them beaten to death, is there anyway you can stop her please?"

Ella looked at him and smiled, "well, since you asked so nicely." Picking up Pippin, she walked over to where Max was chasing the twins around a large pole. As she passed, Ella held out the frightened Hobbit.

"Maxie," she called.

Max looked up, "PIPPIN!!" she cried. She immediately dropped the mop and glomped the little Hobbit.

"MERRY!" yelled Pippin, extremely frightened. Merry responded to his little cousin's calls and came running.

"MERRY!!" cried Max and pulled him into the hug as well.

Elladan lent down next to her, "aww, no hug for us?" he smirked.

Max growled and punched him.

After much persuasion, Max finally gave up the two hobbits and went upstairs to get dressed. When she came back she was wearing black cargo pants and a black top with the words, 'attitude problems' written in red on the front. A red bandana held her messy blond hair back.

"So?" she asked, plopping down on one of the beanbags. Everyone else was sitting in various spots. Elladan, holding a piece of meat on his eye, grinned at her. She took a deep breath. "We know who you are but... How did you get here?"

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Twilight Poet: Chaos! Panic! Confusion! My work here is done. --Y awn— Nighty night Kittens, pleasant dreams zzzz... your turn Dawndreamer.........zzzzzzz.........zzzzz.

**Elvish Translations:**

ULUK HUO EVIL DOG! (so polite isn't she?)

Sut uma lle sinta Eldaie? How do you know Elvish?

DINA!! Shut Up!

En nya he lannea look at her clothes

Melaly lovely!

Re yel rangwa lle She can understand you


	3. Hyper Hobbits

Dawndreamer: Hello again! Trying to find time to do this fic in between school, homework and a lengthy list of assignments is quite tricky! I needed some help from Twilight Poet to get me started.

Disclaimer: We own only our characters, and created stuff, the rest... well... it's just not our work of genius!

**Chapter 3 – Hyper Hobbits**

"Well we know who you are, but how on earth did you get here?!"

Max and Ella looked at them all expectantly. The men exchanged nervous glances.

"It's a punishment," they all said, rolling their eyes.

Ella sighed, "Ok, you first Elladan."

"We glued Arwens crown to her head," sniggered Elladan.

"Again," added Elrohir, trying to hold back giggles, while Max and Ella cringed at the thought of poor Arwen desperately trying to pull her crown off her head and ripping out half her hair in the process.

"And that pretty boy over there cut off my beard!" yelled a now nearly beardless Gimli, pointing, at a now livid, blonde elf.

"That's because you decided to pluck out ALL my eyebrows while I was sleeping!" Legolas bellowed standing up.

Then Gimli too stood up and retorted, "That's because you tried to give me a bubble bath!"

Everyone turned towards Legolas and raised their eyebrows, expecting an explanation. "What?" he said, "I love bubble baths, and they make my skin smooth as a baby's bottom!" All the other males in the room rolled their eyes, while Max and Ella held back from giving in to fits of laughter.

"Well we know why _they're_ here, but what about you four?" Max asked looking at the small friends she adored.

Looking nervously at one another they confessed, "We gate crashed a party that was held in honor of Manwe."

"Awesome!" cried Max, smiling widely.

"Yeah it was. Paris Hobbiton was there. Boy she's one hot hobbit..." smirked Merry nudging his buddies.

"The food wasn't bad either!" added Pippin, reminiscing.

"Speaking of food, I'm starving!" said Elrohir standing up and making his way towards the fridge, closely followed by Elladan and the four hobbits.

Suddenly there was the sound of loud thumping music and car tyres screeching to a halt. And then the sounds of "MAXIIINE!!!" "ELLLLLLA!!!"

Max and Ella looked at each other in dismay. That could only mean one thing – the sleezba's were back!

"Quick, what do we do!" asked Max, panic stricken.

"We'll have to go and get rid of them; we can leave our guests alone in here for 5 minutes. Look," she pointed towards all eight men crowded around the fridge pushing the light on and off, all fascinated.

Max giggled, "I suppose they couldn't do much harm in 5 minutes. Let's go kick some sleezba butt!"

Max and Ella put on their fake smiles and walked towards Josh and Trent, who were leaning on their yellow convertible. Both wore dark sunglasses, Trent had his black hair greased back and Josh had his light brown hair gelled into a back to front mullet. Both wore cheesy smiles on their faces as the girls approached.

_(Max & Trent's conversation)_

"Hello Maxine, long time no see honey," said Trent, kissing her cheek. Right now Max felt like puking, she knew what he was trying to do.

"Look Trent I know what you're trying to do, and my answer is and always will be no. I will not sign those marriage papers."

"Why not baby?"

"Well for starters I don't like the idea of having a husband that would break into my bathroom and try to spy on my while I'm showering."

"You're absolutely right baby," Trent replied, taking off his sunglasses to reveal a black eye.

"I am?" Max raised an eyebrow.

"I agree with you honey, I'd rather not break in. I'd want you to unlock the door and invite me in to watch the show," he said with a grin.

"WHAT!" Max screamed. She then moved on to punch his other eye!

_(Ella & Josh's conversation)_

"Hello my foxy lady," said Josh, slapping Ella's bottom.

"Hi Josh," said Ella in a monotonic voice.

"What's wrong snooglie poo?" he asked pulling her closer to him as Ella tried to hold in her anger.

"Uh hello earth to Josh, you broke into my best friend and my beach-house last night, trying to catch a glimpse of us in the shower! You deserved everything you got!" she said becoming steadily angrier.

"C'mon mushy bear, you can't mean that," he said standing up pulling her against him and squeezing her bottom.

"Oh yes I can..." Ella screamed at him, kneeing his 'family jewels'.

Both Ella and Max turned to look at one another; each had gained grim satisfaction by inflicting pain onto the sleezba's, their mission was complete. Suddenly there was a loud crash as the girls front door smashed open and the figure of Gimli came running up behind them, waving his axe, helmet pushed down over his eyes and foaming at the mouth.

"AHHHHH!!!" Josh and Trent's girlie screams echoed throughout the neighborhood.

"That crazy psycho hairy dude is coming straight for us! He's gonna dint the car! Quick, drive, drive!" screamed Trent as Josh hobbled into the driver's seat and started the car.

But he was too late; Gimli had raised his axe and in one movement had sent it plummeting down onto the car's bonnet, leaving more than just a dint and a scratch in the paint!

"AHHHHH!!!" there was another girlie scream and Josh and Trent had driven off in a cloud of burnt rubber.

Max and Ella were dumbstruck. They ran over to Gimli and somehow miraculously managed to get his helmet off his head without losing a limb.

"Why those damn elves! One of these day's I'll – I'll!!" yelled Gimli as they ran back to the house.

When they got there they found four hobbits laughing hysterically and shaking uncontrollably and three elves foaming at the mouth.

"EVERYBODY STOP!!!" screamed Max as nine pairs of eyes turned towards her. She then walked over to the four hobbits who were all standing huddled outside the pantry, Pippin holding something behind his back.

"What've you got there Pip?" she asked as he handed the empty container to her still shaking. "Did you eat this straight out of the container?" she asked. Still shaking uncontrollably they all nodded. Max turned to Ella and showed her the container which had once held ground Nescafe coffee. Both girls burst out laughing. As the others just exchanged glances.

When she composed herself, Ella approached the three elves and asked, "What happened here?" she carefully examined the white foam around their mouths. "Alright who's got it?" she asked as she walked over to Legolas.

"Give it to me."

"But you didn't say please."

"Give it to me _please_," she asked holding out her hand. Instead Legolas shook the can of whipped cream and sprayed it in her face and all over her top. Ella squealed, grabbed the can off him and began to spray him back.

"Max, catch!" she said as she tossed her friend another can, inviting her to join in the fight as the hobbits came rushing over to join in the fun.

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Dawndreamer: Well I hoped you liked this chapter! Its Twilight Poet's turn next! Next time...

What's for dinner?

Bathtime (!) and

Where will they sleep?!

See you next time! Oh thanks to everyone who reviewed, Twilight Poet and myself will personally thank ppl!

CYA!


	4. but I like these colours!

Twilight Poet: OMG! I'm so so so sorry Dreamer! I lost the papers and only just found them today! So I'll type this up quickly so you can start the next chapter.

Disclaimer: #empties pockets# NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Chapter 4 – but I like these colours!**

Max and Ella hid quietly behind the couch, cans ready. It had been a long battle and their ammo was running low.

"It's quiet," murmured Ella

Max nodded, "I'm going out, cover me!"

They crept out and headed for the overturned table the elves were hiding behind, all the while on the look out for Gimli and his hobbit attack squad. Peering over the top, they were surprised to find the elves fast asleep. Stepping around the mess, they knelt down beside the sleeping victims.

"You know, they're not so evil looking when they're asleep," Max grinned.

Suddenly the elves's eyes shot open and they grabbed the girls, holding them tight.

"NOW!" yelled Elladan.

On command, the hobbits scrambled out of various hiding spots armed with whipped cream and silly string. With loud battle cries, Gimli sprayed the group as the hobbits dogpiled everyone, whipped cream flying everywhere. After a crazed moment of sticky insanity, everyone collapsed in a heap.

"Max?" groaned Ella, "You dead?"

"Ya man," Max mumbled

"Nigh night," cried in unison before falling straight to sleep. Chuckling to themselves, the others also drifted into a heavy sleep.

Next morning Max woke up sore, sticky and extremely uncomfortable. She tried to move only to realize she was trapped between the twin elves. Blushing crimson, she tried to wake them, but they were fast asleep. In her irritation, a memory flashed through her mind.

_The men were huddled in a corner and the lampshade was far beyond broken._

_Finally Max stopped, gasping for breath. _

"_And if you ever– I repeat EVER –touch me again, I'll make you wish you never been born!" she cried, before throwing the twisted metal over her shoulder._

Grinning, Max took a deep breath, "ROE!!!!!!" she screamed as loudly as she could.

If that didn't everyone up, Elladan sure did. Squeaking a rescue tune, Roe the Ferret leapt down the stairs, across the room and latched firmly on the elf's ear.

"GET IT OFF!! GET IT OFF!! GET IT OFF!! GET IT OFF!! GET IT OFF!!" he screamed, running around in circles.

This was too much for Max as soon she was rolling on the floor laughing. Ella and her pet Tuppeny exchanged disapproving, but amused glances. Finally Max called off her rescuer. The Ferret let go of the whimpering elf's ear and ran to Max, curling around her neck.

(A/n: Yes I know the Ferret seem smarter than they're meant to be but remember this is fan FICTION)

"Bath time Roey," cooed Max, cradling the fur ball in her arms.

"My lady?" asked Frodo, "Is there perhaps a place we might wash off?"

Ella and Max looked at each other, a smirk on each of their faces. They lead the dwarf, hobbits and elves out the back.

"What is it?" asked Merry, his eyes wide.

Max looked at him and grinned, "this, my fine fuzzy footed friend, is a swimming pool."

"And this," Ella held up four bottles, "is BUBBLE BATH!"

"Bubbles!" Legolas grinned. Gimli blanched and glared at the elf.

"What do we do?" Pippin questioned.

Ella gave each of the hobbits a bottle, "pour this in the water, all of it. Than but the empty bottles in the bin over there."

"We'll be right back," the girls said before disappearing indoors.

Shrugging, Merry began to pour the liquid into the water. He jumped in shock as the bubbles began to form.

"BUBBLES!" he cried, "wow, and I didn't believe her!"

Legolas looked at him," You mean you've never had bubble bath?" he exclaimed. The hobbits shook their heads. The elf wrinkled his nose, "that explains so much…"

There was a thick layer of bubbles covering the surface of the pool when the girls returned. The guys had already stripped down to their pants and were about to jump in. Spotting the girls, they froze in shock, mouths open.

Max was the first to notice them, "What? What are you gawping at?"

Ella looked up and grinned, "close your mouths boys, you'll catch flies."

"M-my lady!" stuttered Sam, "are those outfits entirely appropriate?"

Max looked down at her read and black bikini and frowned.

"But I LIKE these colours," she whined.

The hobbit blushed scarlet and tried to explain as the twins watched with hidden smiles, plans forming in their minds. Legolas stared in shock at Ella's soft pink bikini.

"My head is a little further up, your majesty," Ella smirked. Legolas shook his head, his cheeks tinged pink.

"Red and Black are perfectly good colours!" argued Max, kneeling down next to Sam.

"th-th-that's n-not what I m-meant," he choked, trying to keep his eyes directly on her face.

"Max, leave him be," Ella laughed before diving in and disappearing among the bubbles.

"BOMB DIVE!" yelled Max, leaping into the pool and splashing everyone else.

Blinking a few times, the guys also jumped into the foamy water. Max swum under the water and every now and than attacked a pair of unsuspecting feet. She was about to launch another attack when suddenly something grabbed her foot and dragged her backwards. Next thing she knew she was coughing and spluttering and being held upside down.

"Elladan! Look what I caught!" cried Elrohir, holding Max up by her feet.

Laughing her head off, Ella grabbed a camera and took a photo of the twins looking proudly at their catch. Elladan knelt down until he was face to face with Max.

"GET ME DOWN!" she screamed.

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Twilight Poet: Ehehehe! Don't you just love stories? U can make the characters AS CRAZY as you want! MUHAHAHAAH! XD On to you Dawndreamer!


	5. Past Revealed

Dawndreamer: Hey guys, Twilight Poet and I have been working our butts off for you to give you – wait for it – two chapters in two

days! Yes so hopefully we'll have more time to write now because we're on holidays!

Disclaimer: We do not own any of Tolkein's creations, but we do own Max and Ella and Matt, Trent, Josh, Tuppeny and Roe.

**Chapter 5 – Past Revealed**

"That was a Kodak moment Max," laughed Ella, who then turned to see some worried looking hobbits.

"As much fun as this has been, our clothing seems to have gone missing," said Merry.

"Chill out my beautiful beardless buddies, no offense Gimli, I put your garments in the wash," said Max coolly.

"But we can't walk around naked!" cried Pippin.

Suddenly Ella turned and saw something white floating in the pool. She bent down and picked up a pair of underpants belonging to a

certain someone who was now looking very Leggy!

"Oh Legolas, are you missing something?" she cooed holding up his pants as he turned around, a few bubbles covering his 'family

jewels'!

"OH MY GOSH! Legolas make yourself decent there are children around!" Max cried as she covered the hobbits eyes.

Ella walked up to him giving him back his pants and said cheekily, "Nice butt your majesty!" as Elladan and Elrohir whistled and

woohooed.

"Don't worry hobbits, we have some clothes for you," said Max.

"And you three elves can follow me," added Ella. Elladan and Elrohir came to join Ella and the others who were standing watching

Legolas holding his pants.

"Turn around please!" Legolas pleaded; as everyone faked to turn he began to put on his pants. Suddenly his majesty looked around

shocked to see Ella taking a picture and fell into the pool as hobbits, elves and girls pointed and laughed.

"Now that was definitely a Kodak moment!" giggled Max and she and Ella high-fived and elves and hobbits exchanged weird glances

and then moved inside.

"Wait here," Max whispered to the hobbits as she and Ella took the three elves upstairs. All five came to a door, which Max unlocked

with a special key.

The elves stepped into the bedroom and froze in shock. It was like stepping back in time. The bedroom in front of them looked like it

hadn't been touched in years. There was a bed in the left corner, a chair in the centre and a bookcase on the right next to an old chest

with a big rusty padlock on the front. Odd posters hung on the walls and everything was covered in dust.

"Please," murmured Ella, heading for a large chest, "don't touch anything."

As Legolas followed her, Elrohir and Elladan watched Max slowly circle the room, a sad look in her eyes. Finally she stopped at the

bookcase and stared at the old photos.

"I bet you're wondering," she whispered, "what this place is…"

"This room has a feeling of old memories that have been locked away. Not to be forgotten, but to always be kept safe and remembered.

I feel a great loss has been suffered by Max and Ella," Legolas finished.

Max and Ella approached the chest, carefully unlocked it and opened the lid. As many eyes peered inside, the girls cautiously lifted out

articles of men's clothing and gave them to the elves.

"It was almost three years ago," whispered Max as she held up a photo of three people, all laughing and hugging each other on the

beach. Max and Ella were standing on either side of a tall man who looked a lot like Max. This man was Matt, he was Max's cousin

and Ella's boyfriend and all of them used to live together in this beach house for nearly three years.

But one day tragedy struck, when Matt, who worked as a local lifeguard, made the ultimate sacrifice – his life. It all started when he

paddled out to save a small child who had been washed out in rough conditions.

Matt managed to get the child to safety onto some nearby rocks, but as he tried to get out himself, the current dragged him under and a

huge wave came crashing down on to him, the force of it hitting Matt violently against the rocks. He died at the scene.

"He died at the place he loved the most: the beach," Max said as she handed Ella the photo. There was a deathly silence in the room as

the elves realized the true fate of this man. Ella wiped away her tears as she and Max handed more clothes to the elves.

There was a small balcony off the edge of Matt's room, which of course overlooked the sea. Ella glanced out and saw that it looked

like rain. Dark clouds were gathering to the west, storms from the west were always bad, especially since they were right on the coast.

Breaking the awkward silence, Elladan said, "We'd better get changed, thanks for the clothes and… we're sorry about Matt."

And with that the elves silently departed.

"Hey Max, I didn't think this room would bring me to tears like this," whispered Ella as both girls hugged each other.

"It's okay, we were going to have to face this place again someday," replied Max, "come on, let's go."

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

Shortly after…

"Hey Max, did you put the washing on yet?" called Ella from the swing on the patio outside.

"Yeah Ella, it should be done by now. Hey you can probably go put it in the dryer now," retorted Max from in front of the television,

surrounded by four square eyed hobbits who were decked out in some of Max's baggy t-shirts. Max had convinced the hobbits that

those were their 'robes' which was quite cute.

"Argh! Pippin, stop changing the channels!" Max cried.

"Dogpile!" yelled Merry.

"NOOOOOOO!!!" screamed Max, too late.

Ella got up off the swing rolling her eyes, not suppressing a smile and slumped into the laundry and begun unloading bits of clothing.

She gasped suddenly and saw that the boys clothing had gone pink and had shrunk!

She pulled out the clothes faster and faster and found the culprit – her red and now Barbie doll sized undies with the word 'baby'

imprinted on the back. With a sarcastic tone of voice, Ella called out, "Max, come here!"

"What's wrong Ella – Oh my gosh what happened to the washing? It – it's shrunk and it's pink… yuk I hate pink!"

"Max, how many times have I told you to separate the colours?"

"Hee hee, oops?" Max grinned sheepishly.

"You used hot water didn't you?"

"Yep…" Max shifted her eyes and looked down.

"Yep and what are we going to do now? The guys have already got all of Matt's old clothes, now the only thing their real clothes are

good for are Barbie and Ken!"

"They could always go around in the nude…" suggested Max, seeing that Ella turned pink at this. "I thought you quite liked the idea

before…"

"Yeah…" said Ella sarcastically, trying to hide the fact that she wouldn't mind seeing Legolas like that again…

"In fact I think you liked the view before!" said Max cheekily, full knowing what her friend was really thinking!

"Okay you can shut up now Max!"

"Oh my gosh! What if we took them shopping?!" Max said, raising an eyebrow at Ella.

"Good idea… they'll be trendsetters when they go back to middle earth. I can see it now… The Fellowship of Bling Bling!" said Ella,

as both girls began concocting plans for the shopping trip, which would consist of major tzujing!

TO BE CONTINUED…

Dawndreamer: I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter because I really liked writing it! It's Twilight Poet's turn next time. Ciao!

Dawndreamer: Stop copying me!

Twilight Poet: Stop copying me!

Dawndreamer: I'm stupid!

Twilight Poet: You're stupid!

Dawndreamer: Damn it!


	6. Sing a song and run for you lifes!

Twilight Poet: Hail fair people! How art thou this beauteous morn? Haha, ok back to business! Here is Chapter 6! Oh, and congratulations to Dawndreamer for getting Chapter 5 in so fast! #claps# Yes, and I wanted to make this a slightly different chapter and so I've added a song in!  #smirk#

Disclaimer: I own only Max and Trent. Josh and Ella belong to Dawndreamer and everything else belongs to da really talented people who made it.

**Chapter 6 – Sing a song and run for your life!**

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"Awww! But WHY?!" the hobbits whined when Max told them they had to stay.

"Because you won't be so easy to hide and…" Max paused, how the hell was she supposed to explain this?

"Err, people here haven't seen hobbits before!" rushed Ella, crossing her fingers behind her back.

The hobbits faces drooped and they hung their heads. Max felt sorry for them, but what else could they do? Suddenly a song came into her head and, not knowing what results would come of it, she sang.

_Chiquitita, tell me what's wrong_

_You're enchained by your own sorrow_

_In your eyes there is no hope for tomorrow_

_How I hate to see you like this_

_There is no way you can deny it_

_I can see that you're oh so sad, so quiet_

The hobbits looked up at her is slight surprise. The elves were equally confused, but Ella just smiled, she'd been expecting this. Max knelt down and put her hands on Pippin and Merry's shoulders.

_Chiquitita, tell me the truth_

_I'm a shoulder you can cry on_

_Your best friend, I'm the one you must rely on_

_You were always sure of yourself_

_Now I see you've broken a feather_

_I hope we can patch it up together_

A small smile came to the hobbit's lips and Max stood up again. Winking at Ella, the she faced the hobbits and grinned. Together Ella and Max sang the chorus, dancing around.

_Chiquitita, you and I know_

_How the heartaches come and they go and the scars they're leaving_

_You'll be dancing once again and the pain will end_

_You will have no time for grieving_

_Chiquitita, you and I cry_

_But the sun is still in the sky and shining above you_

_Let me hear you sing once more like you did before_

_Sing a new song, Chiquitita_

_Try once more like you did before_

_Sing a new song, Chiquitita_

The hobbits laughed and joined in with the dancing. Ella looked at Frodo and Sam, who still looked a little glum.

_So the walls came tumbling down_

_And your love's a blown out candle_

_All is gone and it seems too hard to handle_

_Chiquitita, tell me the truth_

_There is no way you can deny it_

_I see that you're oh so sad, so quiet_

Max and Ella took this time to dance around and turn on as many entertaining things as possible at the same time as getting themselves and the elves ready and heading towards the front door. Seeing the hobbits were dancing around to the song on the CD player and having all kinds of fun, the girls and newly disguised elves slipped out the door and locked it.

_Try once more like you did before_

_Sing a new song, Chiquitita…_

Once outside the elves applauded. Taking on exaggerated expressions, Max and Ella bowed and blew kisses to their 'adoring fans'.

"Well that was fun!" Max grinned, as they walked over to her car.

She pulled down the roof and watched carefully as the elves got in. Once everyone was secure, she jumped in the front and started it up.

"To the shops!" Ella pointed dramatically.

Laughing, they drove off. The girls laughed all the harder as the elves insisted that they preferred their hats off so their hair could blow in the wind. Soon they were driving through the local junction trying to find a man's clothing shop.

"Wow, who would have thought there were so few around!" exclaimed Ella as they pulled over and headed towards 'All Men's Wear'.

Stepping into the shop, the girls showed the elves how to check for sizes and prices before heading off to find other things for them.

"What about this one?" asked Legolas, showing Ella a button up white shirt with a collar, "the price is thirteen dot forty-five and it fits me?"

Ella smirked and took it along with a pair of jeans he'd chosen earlier. Elladan had chosen baggy cargoes and hooded top, while Elrohir chose shorts and a sleeveless shirt. All three wore a cap of some kind to cover their hair and ears. Getting the elves to wear their new outfits, Ella and Max carefully placed Matt's old clothes in a box they had brought with them before headed to the counter to pay.

"That'll be $98.95 please," sighed the checkout girl. She looked up as she handed them back their change and was so shocked she swallowed her gum. "AHHH! IT'S ORLANDO BLOOM!!" she screamed.

"Jigs up fellas!" Cried Max in a gangster voice, "Quickly, to the get away car!"

Confused, the elves let the girls drag them back to the car, but it wasn't there.

"WHERE THE HELL IS MY CAR??" Max shrieked.

A policeman came up to her. "Was yours a blue convertible?"

"Yes!" Max sobbed, "Where's my baby?? What's happened to her?"

"You parked in a no parking zone and it was towed away." The policeman replied, "To Carlo's car crush and repair store."

Max's mouth dropped to the ground, "WHAT???????"

"It was just a car," Legolas muttered. Not quietly enough.

Hearing his, Max leapt and grabbed his collar, pulling him down to her level. "Say that again and I'll punch your pretty face all the way back to middle earth!!!" she growled raising her fist.

"LEAVE OUR LEGGY ALONE!" came a chorus of screams.

Everyone looked up to see what looked like a small army of girls, each holding a broom, mop or otherwise something that would cause much pain if swung hard enough.

"Oh… My… Gawd…" Ella cried building to a crescendo, "IT'S THE FANGIRL ARMY!!"

Wide-eyed with terror, both elves and girls footed it, the army gaining on them with each moment.

"What are they?" yelled Elladan, "If they're evil shouldn't we stay and fight?"

Ella took on a 'Gandalf voice', "No my friends, their obsession runs to deep, we could never win."

Skidding to a halt, they rounded a corner, Max in the lead.

"Where are we going?" Elrohir called.

"TO GET MY CAR!" Max yelled back. No one dared argue.

Reaching the car store, they snuck passed the guards.

"Isn't this illegal?" Ella questioned as they crept into the car and started the engine.

"Would you rather Ollie here be smothered by adoring fans?" asked Max, raising an eyebrow.

"Step on the gas!"

Making sure nothing would scratch her 'baby', Max drove as fast as she dared out of the parking place, almost running down the two guards who tried to stop her. Grabbing her mobile, Max called home, relieved that she'd put the answering machine on. Praying they could hear her, she talked to the hobbits.

--

"Hobbits? Are you there?"

Merry, who had been closest to the phone jumped back in shock. The others stared with similar expressions on their faces.

"Max?" asked Pippin reaching out to push a button on the machine.

"DON'T TOUCH IT!" yelled Max's voice. Pippin jumped back, startled. The voice continued, "Ok my pretty puny pals, I want you to- ARGHH!!!"

The voice quickly changed to Ella's, "MAX! Keep your eyes on the road! Ok Hobbits, we're talking to you through –err- a special magic to tell you we're in a bit of trouble."

Suddenly Gimli came in, whistling a tune. He turned in surprise to hear the girl's voices, "What sorcery is this?" he cried, "Are they trapped??" he ran over to the machine, axe raised above his head. "Don't worry lasses! I'll get you out!"

"NO! NO GIMLI N-"

Ella was cut short as Gimli viciously attacked the talking box. After his frenzy ceased, he looked around. "Where are they?" he questioned

The hobbits back away from him, eyes wide. Gimli looked down at the bit of plastic on the ground.

"Oh no," he whispered, "What have I done?" he collapsed to his knees and gathered up the pieces, "I've killed the little things!" he sobbed, as he picked up on large piece and held it to his ear, "Ella? Max? SPEAK TO ME!!"

Fearing that he really had, the hobbits crept closer and patted him awkwardly on the shoulder before going all teary over the smashed answering machine themselves.

--

Ella held the phone away, a stunned look on her face. "Max," she gulped, "I think we'll need to buy a new answering machine!"

Shaking her head, Max sped up and they shot through the streets and near the beach to get home. Pulling up in the driveway, everyone stumbled out with their newly bought clothes and accessories. Locking the car, they rushed into the house. Before the girls could say a word, they were tackled down by a group of sobbing hobbits. Gimli came in afterwards, wiping his eyes.

"Oh lasses! You're safe after all!" he sniffed.

"No time!" cried Max, pushing the hobbits away, "they're heading this way! It won't be long until they pick up the sent! Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!"

"Quickly!" ordered Ella, "Max and the twins, go and pack enough clothes for a week! Gimli, take the hobbits in the kitchen and gather as much food and water as you can carry. Legolas, come with me to get ammo. WE'RE GOING CAMPING!"

Splitting up, the group ran to their assigned tasks. Max ran up the stairs, the twins in tow. Pulling some backpacks out from under the bed, she opened the drawers and began to throw items of clothing out.

"Pack these in the bags!" she told the elves, who quickly obeyed.

Ella grabbed a couple bum bags and got Legolas to help her filled them with silly string, pepper spray and quick drying hair mouse. She also grabbed necessary things like toothbrushes and hair brushes.

"Are these the only weapons we're allowed?" questioned Legolas.

"They're only girls!" exclaimed Ella, "even if they're possessed by raving hormones, they're still human."

Equipped with backpacks and bum bags, the group clasped hands and nodded.

"If we get split up, head for a small cave at the end of the beach," instructed Max, "if the door's locked, and you're asked for a password, say 'Cheesecake crumpets'."

Legolas opened his mouth to respond when the room began to shake. Gulping, they peered out the window. In the distance was a rising cloud of dust, and it was getting closer.

"OR-LAN-DO! OR-LAN-DO!" sounded the chants from the stampede of girls heading their way.

"Drop the packs! We'll come back for them when things calm down a bit. Take only the bum bags with the ammo!" yelled Ella, "To the back door! Go! Go! Go!"

"TAKE NO PRISONERS!" yelled Max, as they charged out the door, running for their lives towards a large forest at the end of the girl's backyard.

Unfortunately, a couple of the girls were excellent runners and they quickly caught up to Sam and Frodo, the slowest of the group. Panicking, the hobbits sprayed silly string in the girls faces. The girls fell to the ground, screaming and squirming in pain. Shocked, the hobbits stared curiously at their cans before shrugging and running to catch up with the others.

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Twilight Poet: OH YEAH! 7 and a bit pages! Haha that was fun. I hope there's plenty ideas for you Dawndreamer! Go on, work your magic! Hehe.

Oh and if you didn't guess, the song was _Chiquitita_, by Abba. But you all knew that didn't you! :P


	7. And they went camping

**CHAPTER 7**

**And they went camping.**

Frodo and Sam eventually caught up to the rest of the group who were waiting for them at the edge of the forest.

"Quickly!" yelled Max motioning the two hobbits to the forest.

"Their pace has quickened. they must've caught our scent. Hurry!" Ella joked to Max, stealing Aragorn's classic line from The Two Towers.

"I don't see what the big hurry is," said Legolas, leaning up against a tree. "They don't seem nearly as threatening as Orcs."

"No, they don't seem threatening at all. In fact they look as if they can be tamed quite easily." said Elrohir, nudging Elladan both sporting cheeky grins.

"Really?" asked Max approaching the twins. "Well if that's the way you feel you are more than welcome to stay here and try to seduce them. But I don't think you'll have any luck, because they're all after the same guy," an evil smirk crossing her face as she glanced at Legolas.

"Him," asked Elladan, "You're telling us that this group of obviously desperate creatures are all after Mr Bubbles over there!"

"Surely not!" exclaimed Elrohir, walking over towards Legolas who had taken offence to the 'Mr Bubbles' reference and recalling the incident which had caused him exposure to all his friends! "What do these desperate women see in Legolas that they do not see in us?"

Now there were many answers to this question, but the girls decided that the best way to put it was.

"To these 'desperate women' you guys aren't eligible bachelors," Ella said bluntly, as the twins reacted with a mumble jumble of rude cries in elvish directed at certain people and the pointing of fingers. until the ground started to shake.

"Guys can we finish this discussion later! Right now we've got a stampede of killer fan girls coming straight for us!" yelled Max, grabbing the twins by their ears and leading them away from the approaching 'wildlife'. The others followed close behind, the hobbits struggling to keep up.

After a few minutes of trekking deeper into the woods, Max realized they were never going to outrun the killer fangirls. She stopped and let go of the twins now deformed ears. Max surveyed the surroundings, and found a decent hiding spot. "Quick, everyone into the trees!" she shouted.

Max, Elrohir and Elladan climbed up with ease and hid amongst the branches, closely followed by Legolas and Ella. They heard the tribe enter the clearing, and begin to quieten down.

Elladan was the first to realise, "Where are the Halflings?"

Ella and Max faced each other as the colour drained from their faces. Hobbits can't climb trees!

"Quick Leggy, peek through those branches to see if the hobbits are down there," whispered Max, who was concocting an evil plan.

Now was her time for revenge. Max quietly leant over as if she was trying to look over Legolas' shoulder but instead shoved him forward and sent him falling head first out of the tree! Unfortunately, the prince spotted a rogue branch he quickly hooked his feet around it and came to a stop only to see a crowd gathering below who began to corner Frodo and Sam into a tree. Merry and Pippin had managed to seek refuge in a large bush, but their comrades had not been so lucky.

On of the girls approached, hand twitching, "Oi! Midgets! Which way did Orlando go!"

Frodo gulped and was about to answer when suddenly, something behind the crowd of fangirls caught his eye. It was Legolas! The Elven Prince was madly waving his arms about in a 'Don't look at me!' way. Sam too noticed the dramatic display and blanched. The hobbits exchanged petrified glances. They were outnumbered and the fangirls were armed with their pens and Orlando posters.

"I-I think he w-went that w-way," Sam pointed to the deepest, darkest, dirtiest part of the woods.

"In there?" asked the leader

"Y-yes," stuttered Sam shifting his eyes from side to side.

"You'd better not be lying to us," the girl sniffed, "because I should warn you that we are armed and will not hesitate to draw out our weapons and graffiti your faces with black permanent marker. So choose your words wisely because permanent marker is extremely hard to get off!"

"Well I can see you lot aren't true Orlando fans," said Frodo stepping forward with confidence.

"And why aren't we?"

"Well for starters you're all still standing here wasting your time with us. Orlando would be long gone by now, so I think you're pretty dumb not to go after him straight away, seeing he's such a fast runner, but being fangirls I thought you knew that."

"Yeah the midget's got a point, what are we doing just standing here letting him get away." piped up one fangirl with braces and her blonde curly hair in piggy tails, "Oh my gosh girls - Orlando's playing hard to get - AFTER HIM!"

So off went the crazy fangirls, into the deepest, darkest, dirtiest part of the woods, chanting their faithful cry of 'OR-LAN-DO! OR-LAN-DO!' with the hope that they might find their beloved Hollywood heartthrob at the end of their chase. When they were out of site the group slipped cautiously down the tree.

Glaring daggers at Max, Legolas turned to the group, "You say they're after me. But then why do they chant O-R-L-A-N-D-O?"

Ella blushed, "I'll show you when we get back to the house."

Max sniggered, she knew Ella had once been a rabid Orlando fangirl too. Her HUGE poster collection was hidden safely in her wardrobe. They snuck back to the house and crept through the door. The place seemed more or less untouched by the army that had stormed through.

Ella grabbed one of her posters and held it up. "This is Orlando. Orlando Bloom, really. He err... plays you in a... play?"

"H-he looks just like me!" Legolas's cried, his eyes wide.

"Well," smirked Max, "They do say everyone has a twin somewhere out there! Here's yours!"

Laughing, Ella let Legolas keep the poster to 'muse over'. In a few moments the girls were packed and ready to leave again, ferrets snuggling in their pockets.

"Come on guys!" grinned Max, "We're gonna camp out at the pet store until this all cools down."

Nodding, the others grabbed their back-packs. All except Elladan and Elrohir who complained they needed a moments rest.

"You're a slave driver you know," Elrohir groaned, getting more comfortable on the couch.

"Fine," Max frowned, "But I just know me and Ella are gonna get stuck dragging your mangled, fangirl-tortured bodies up to our comfortable beds and waiting on you hand a foot. We'll bring food and drink and sweets, fluffing your pillows and rubbing your bruises with oil-" The twins were too busy smiling at each other to notice the glint in her eyes, "but then again, this is a good chance for me to practice medicine! I'll bring bandages and splints and big needles!" She began to get excited, "Oh! And then I'll bring in a big iron pole and water and try the famous, but ever so slightly dangerous, ELECTRIC SHOCK THERAPY! Of course I'm not a REAL doctor, but that's just a minor difficulty - easily faked, err... haha, I mean fixed! And - hey where'd they go?"

Ella laughed, "They were packed and ready to go at 'big iron pole' and out the door at 'not a REAL doctor'. I think they're hiding in the car. Good one Max!" The girls high-fived.

"I've never seen them run so fast in my life," Legolas laughed, "At least not since they cut out the back off Lord Elrond's robe and he spent the rest of the day with a draft in his nether regions, not knowing why."

The thought of the grand Lord Elrond with a big hole in the back of his robes sent the girls to the floor in fits of laughter, followed shortly by Merry and Pippin who had taken a moment to catch on. The laughter was cut short when Legolas, who'd left the room a few moments earlier, returned carrying Ella's "Orlando B. Box". Max gasped and Ella, herself let out a strained whimper. Legolas just gazed at them, a curious look on his face.


	8. Bubbi! Darling, Sweetie, Bubbi dear!

Twilight Poet: Hello! It's me again!

People: BOO! HISS!

Twilight Poet: THANK YOU! --blows kisses-- terrible sorry about the long wait. You see, my parents had banned me from writing because of the undeniable fact it had the potential to distract me from my lessons… But now, I can begin to slowly update this story again. Please be patient with me, I'm really going to get this done for you! So please review! (grins) Oh! And I think you'll all be in for a delightful surprise when you see who I've chosen to play Max's family. If you know – then you'll understand the irony. If you don't – just go with the flow, it should still be funny.

Disclaimer: If we owned anything REMOTELY important, we'd make this a movie and be millionaires! MUHAHAHA

**Chapter 8 – Bubbi! Darling, Sweetie, Bubbi dear!**

Max looked at Legolas wide-eyed and immediately pointed to Ella.

"Thanks," Ella growled, hitting her over the head.

Ella and Legolas continued to watch each other and Max began to get impatient, "Elllllaaaaaa, amigo, buddy, pal, tomodachi… WE HAVE TO GO!"

In the end she grabbed the brunette by the arm and pulled her along into the car where the twins, hobbits and dwarf we're already waiting… it was a tight squeeze.

"NA AH!" she cried as Legolas came out with the box of posters.

Hitting them to the ground, (much to the prince's dismay), she pushed and pulled him into the car.

"With any luck, they'll distract the trollops for a while," she shrugged to the elf's dismal expression.

Driving down the highway, Ella gave a deep sigh, "As much as I hate to say this, we need to find you guys a way home. This world is not ready for you…"

"Yeah," Max nodded, "and I can just picture see how the others a fairing without you…"

**Max's Thoughts:**

_Aragorn: (Striking a dramatic pose) CREBAIN… from DUNLAND!_

_Boromir: No! No! It's more like this… (flips hair) Crebain FROM… Dunland!_

_Sauromon: (walks in on knees) Hah! You're both wrong!_

_Aragorn: WHA??? What the hell are YOU doing here?_

_Sauromon: (sulks) I'm playing the part of 'Frodo' MUAHAHA THE RING IS MINE!_

_Gandalf: (shakes head) this is only going to get worse… _

For a moment the group in the car feared for their lives as their driver laughed her head off and swerved in and out of on-coming traffic. Finally Max tightened her grip on the wheel, "but until then, I'm afraid I know only one place where we will be safe…"

"Oh no," Ella blanched, "you're not talking about-

"Yes," Max interrupted, "We going to pay a visit to …my mother"

Ella groaned and sat back, head in her hands.

Pippin blinked, "so… that's a bad thing?"

"My cute, clueless, kittens" Max laughed, – You have no idea…"

----------------------------

2 and a half hours (and 5 pit stops) later the weary group pulled up to a massive gate settled between two large and exquisitely white stone walls. Sighing, Max stuck her head out the window and pushed the little button under a movie screen. Not long later the face a young security guard appeared and a crackly voice came out of the speakers.

"_Do you have an appointment?"_

Max shook her head, "You must be new here – I'm Max, Daughter of the household."

The guard paused for a moment, _"…I'm sorry I'll have to see some identification…"_

Max was about to comply when suddenly another voice interrupted, _"What? What, sweetie, what? Who is it? What do they want, darling? Hello? Hello?"_

A groan escaped from the lips of both girls as a blurred face appeared on the screen, followed shortly by a loud shriek, _"BUBBI!!! OH HOW LOVELY! Open the gate! NOW!"_

The gate opened and Max drove up through a wide and modern 'sculptured' garden to the driveway before parking. She looked painfully at Ella.

Ella hugged her, "Remember, it's for the hobbits."

"For the hobbits," Max sniffed.

"ok," murmured Ella, turning to face the group behind her, "there's something you should know about Max's family. They're not like you or me, they're… different. They're-"

"-a couple of neglectful, drunk, alcoholic hippies with an endless supply of money, and the brains of high sheep stuck in the 80's." Max hissed, "Yes, you could say they're 'different', but that's not even scratching the surface"

There was an awkward silence as Max fumed in the front. "Right!" Ella chirped, "Let's not delay the inevitable much longer. We only need be here long enough to find you a way home."

Grabbing the bags, everyone got out of the car and headed to the front door. With a loud BANG the huge double doors swung open and a woman stumbled out to greet them.

"BUBBI! BUBBI DAAAARLING!" Cried the women, running over. She was, by far, the strangest person any of the middle-earthlings had ever seen. Slightly chubby, she'd seen fit to dress herself completely in neon pink with huge pink sunglasses and a large, floppy green hat over her frizzy orange hair. She ran over and enveloped Max in a hug, her voice shrill and piercing, "OH BUBBI DEAR, Give mummy a hug, Bubbi! MUMMY'S MISSED YOU!"

"Bubbi?" asked Elrohir raising an eyebrow

Max rolled her eyes, "She calls me that…"

Max's mother pouted, "Oh, Bubbi, Bubbi darling, you don't mind me calling you that, do you bubbi? Answer Mummy, sweetie, do you?"

"You call me that because you couldn't remember my name for the first 2 year of my life," Max muttered

"Don't be silly!" the older woman laughed, "You didn't HAVE a name for the first 4!"

She looked over at Ella and sneered, "Looks like you brought the drip with you." She smiled nastily, "Dull, drab and dreary, you haven't changed a bit, have you dear, hmm?"

Ella crossed her arms, "Fat, flabby and full – neither have you, Eddy."

'Eddy' (Max's mother's name) stormed over and looked Ella right in the eye, "Inside me, sweetie, inside me, there's a thin person just screaming to get out!"

"Just one?" Ella scoffed

Eddy was about to retort when they were interrupted by another woman swaying down the stairs. She was stick thin and wore a skin-tight black leather outfit. Her blonde hair was tied up and fluffed out and she carried a champagne bottle in one hand and an oddly shaped 'cigarette' in the other.

"Eddy," she groaned, "Eddy, what? Eddy, what's going on? Eddy why-" she froze when she saw Max, "What's SHE doing here?"

"Look whose back Patsy," Eddy smiled, "it's Maxie, sweetie, look."

Max stared wrinkled her nose at the woman, "Why aren't you dead?"

Eddy shrugged, "She's a testament to the power of prescription drugs."

"It wasn't a question."

------------------

Twilight Poet: Yes, that's right. Max has replaced Saffy in Absolutely Fabulous (one of my all time favourite TV shows) Again, if you don't know it – don't worry. Just sit back and enjoy. However, if you DO know it and have a favourite quote from one of the shows, please don't hesitate to add it in your comment and we'll try to add it to the story as best we can! Yes, I know it's kind of short, but now it' finally DD's turn again. THANK YOU FOR BEING SO PATIENT WITH ME!

--toodles—

TP.


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